xtorn_fleshx (xtorn_fleshx) wrote,


how can i explain it... years upon years of therapy to learn how to communicate feelings...but i cant express this in the right words...not outloud. maybe in writing?

i dont want to change you ani, i love who you are. habits can be changed (unless they are built in your brain chemistry...but most of them) even mine. i dont wanna change who you are... i just think in a relationship both partners have to talk about things...make suggestions to eachother from what they have learned in life...to benifit eachother, and the future of their relationship. were a team right? so why is it when i suggest, you think its an attack...and you get defensive and attack me...so i attack back... why cant you see im just talking to you from observance in life and sometimes experiance...im not looking for a fight or to lecture... i would hope you would do the same for me...but you dont really, you only use my frustrating habits against me when you need them in defense. thats not what i need... how can i learn from mistakes...if you only tell me i made them when youre angry, my nature tells me when being attacked...repeat the thing that caused the attack to get back at the person...natural rebellion. hell, even when i got smacked as a child id do that...because when im upset i want everyone to know that i wont change for them cause they tried to scare me, hurt me, made me guilty, hit me...the only thing that ever made me behave was calm communication and caring. no one seems to get that even when i try to say it. my mentality "why would i do anything for someone who gets mad at me all the time"... my mentality when you are sweet and calm...and explain things that you need/want to me in that manner is "well...i guess i need to try harder, she obviously cares and is trying to make things better for us so i need to do better to help her".

for the right person, i am an open book, ill tell you my life story, my thoughts, dreams, plans, scemes, ill tell you when i do something unforgivable, ill tell you when ive done something im proud of... all i ask is to know more about you too

i dont feel like i know you as well as i would like... i want to know all of the things above about you... anytime i try to ask you have said you dont like to talk about things or you try to distract me or yourself with other things

i notice things remember... i notice that i still havent learned a whole lot more about you since the day i met you... and id bet you know me better than i know you

if you dont like something i do...if you dont like something i say...TELL ME...not later, but RIGHT THEN . you dont have to be mean to communicate...just tell me how you feel. if i express an oppinion you disagree with LETS TALK ABOUT IT...i actually love to hear things from more than one perspective...i dont have to agree to appreciate what you have to say. if you need something more from me...LET ME KNOW... i cant read your mind so tell me what you want... OMG JUST TALK TO ME

i feel like we have everything needed for a great relationship...except communication about anything important to that relationship
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